Sunday, June 27, 2010

reflection...

Subhan'Allah, for the past month and a half since my car accident, my life totally took a turn.  Everything that was normal or common in my life or routine, stopped.  I stayed at home and rarely went out, usually just for therapy or chiropractor appointments, doctor appointments and the 4 times I was hospitalized.  I have been out of the office all this time, being blessed with an awesome employer that allowed me to work from home whenever I was able to without being in too much pain.  Thankfully I didn't have any external damages, but what's more painful is internal damage.  Nerve damage in my neck which effects all of my limbs and head to toe and fingers, emotional strain, physical fatigue and increased time being alone.  A lot of great things came out of this hard experience I'm going through.  Pain is weakness leaving the body, so this is making me physically stronger, Alhamdulillah.  As Rumi says, "Suffering is a gift.  In it is hidden mercy."  I pray I'm being cleansed for the wrongs I have done in my life.  The pain has been so immense that at at times I didn't know how I could survive or get through it, but I did.  Such is life.  It hurts, its full of pain and heartache, but we get through it and we survive.  This experience helped me realize who were my real friends and who were just keeping me around for their benefit or convenience or advantage.  This helped me filter out who I need to keep around and who not to.  This experience has broken me in so many ways and when the devil tries to get at me to depress me or make me feel bad, I really struggle to stay on top of it by reminding myself of the Creator's infinite mercy.  I can't imagine what people go through who have it so much worse than I.  My situation is nothing compared to a lot of other people out there, yet it is still something.  This is the most humbling for me.  I never have experienced such a low point in my life to where I lost most of everything, but the things that I do still have are the most meaningful.  Trust in the Divine, increased strength, experience and most importantly of all-Gratitude are what keeps me going.

I needed this vent session and to pour out my thoughts that I've kept bottled up inside all this time.  Phew...gotta unload...Peace.
"Better to avoid the poison altogether than to heal from the damage it causes."


Thats a great quote in reference to the toxic people in your life who don't care about you as they claim to or lie constantly and manipulate for their own advantages and selfish ways.  Yep, this one's personal.